Rabbi Dr.Abraham Twerski 除了是有名的犹太拉比（智者），也是一名精神科医生。
Love is a word that, in our culture, has almost lost its meaning. Now, there’s an interesting story about the Rabbi of Kotzk, who came across the young man who was clearly enjoying a dish of fish that he was eating. And he said,”Young man why are you eating that fish?” The young man said,”Because I love fish.” He said,”Cool, you love the fish. That’s why you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.” He said,”Don’t tell me you love the fish. You love yourself, and because the fish tastes good to you. Therefore, you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.”
So much of what is love, is fish love. And so, young couple falls in love. Young man and young woman fall in love, what does that means? That means that he saw in this woman, someone who he feels could provide him with all his physical and emotional needs. And she feels in this man, somebody she feels that she can write “that is love”. But each one is looking out for their own needs. It’s not love for the other. The other person becomes a vehicle for my gratification.
Too much of what is called love, is fish love. An external love is not on what I’m going to get but what I’m going to give. We had an ethicist, Rabbi of Dessler who said,”The people make a serious mistake in thinking that you give to those whom you love. And the real answer is, you love those to whom you give.” His point is, if I give something to you, I’ve invested myself in you. And since self-love is a given, everybody loves themselves, now that part of me has become in you, there’s part of me in you that I love.
So true love is a love of giving, not a love of receving.
I don’t want to have fish love.